1st Year Letter

I have been meaning to write this letter for a few weeks now and have finally had a chance to get it all down on paper...Wow, look at these pics from a year ago. (the 1st time I held you)

My Dearest Owen and Kyle,

You are now a year old and I have decided to write a letter to you so I have the opportunity to sum up the past year of events along with express the joy and honor I have being your mother.

82 weeks ago I discovered that I was pregnant. 72 weeks ago I was told that there are two of you! I never truly realized how this would change my life.

I am going to jump back a year and review a bit so that both of you and I remember how our first year together went. So, here goes...

After 10 week of pregnancy we had our first Dr. apt. They did an ultra sound to check the heart beat and discovered that there were two of you. When I say I am still in shock to this day, I am not kidding. And so we began planning for TWO! I had an amazing pregnancy overall. The first 12 weeks were rough between feeling tired and nauseous often. After that period, it was smooth as silk.

My last day of work was April 1st. I started to have some back issues so the Dr. said "I could be done" I still felt great however a bit of guilt for quitting so early. Early, was short lived when on April 5th I went to the Dr. for a non stress test in the mid morning. I had a 2pm ultra sound scheduled so I decided to go sit outside (it was a rare 75 degrees), have lunch and relax until meeting your dad for the ultra sound. We went in to view you for the last time that afternoon, only to find that there was not much fluid in Owen's sac. The Dr. immediately sent us to the hospital where our regular Dr. was on call. After a bit of discussion, we decided that you would be safer on the outside than inside. So it was determined that you would be delivered via c-section since there were no other signs that you wanted to come out.

Fortunately my Dr., whom I adore, was on call. It was also the night of the women's NCAA final basketball game and MSU was in for the championship. As we went into surgery, we sang the MSU Fight song (one of my best memories).

The delivery went great. I didn't have any problems and neither did either of you. After delivery, I went to recovery and apparently you both went to the NICU. This is where the hard part begins.

Sometime the night of your birth, I am guessing around midnight, I was wheeled through the NICU to see you on the way to my room. I don't think I really comprehended the whole "NICU concept" until about 3am when the Neonatologist entered my room. Her exact words were "your babies are critically ill but it is not life threatening". WOW, where is your mind supposed to go with that? I didn't sleep the rest for the night partially due to your dad's snoring and partially due to the fact that I had just had major surgery, was stuck in bed and didn't know what was going on with my babies.

And so, you spent the next 18 days in the NICU. You were both born with underdeveloped lungs which made it necessary for you to be on oxygen. You started on respirators and slowly moved to just nasal canulas. You were in you own heated, enclosed, incubators because you could not hold your own body temperatures. You had feeding tubes in your nose or mouth because you could not eat on your own. We did not get to hold you until you were 3 days old. Owen,three days after you birth it was discovered that you had some heart issues. You had many eccocardiograms and other tests that determined that you were born with an SVT (supraventricular arrhythmias). This basically means that you had an extra wire in your heart that was putting out extra beats to create an escalated heart rate. It was determined that you would have to be put on Inderol to help regulate this. You also had a valve that did not close off during birth. Fortunately, after 48 hours on meds, this was corrected.

We spent the first week at your bedside touching you through the holes in the incubator, watching what seemed like a 100 monitors hooked up to you and praying for a positive outcome. You both had a 24 hour nurse dedicated to just the two of you.

The ups and downs during this period were indescribable. One day you were doing great and the next day you would forget to breathe!

After about 12 days (it's all a blur now) we started to teach you to eat on your own. I was pretty determined to get you to feed from the breast even though you had been getting breast milk all along. I spent hours every day, one of you and then the other, trying to feed. I would hold you at my breast as the milk went through the tube in your nose so that you would get used to thinking that is where you should be when you eat. You eventually both surprised everyone and became feeding champs! Before you left the hospital you could take a whole feed from the breast only and this is a rare accomplishment for preemies.

There was one more emotional ride that we took during your hospital stay. One of the Drs. came to me on about day 12 and told me that our insurance company was forcing us to relocate to a different hospital. The nurses and Drs. had been so amazing that I could not phathom leaving this comfort zone. Fortunately, the hospital fought for us and we were able to stay put.

On day 17, the Dr. told us that it looked good for us to go home the next day. You had now both been eating on your own for 24 hours and everything else was in line. Kyle, this night you decided to stop breathing twice. So, yet another set back. Fortunately, the Dr. did not think this was a major concern and said that we would still be able to take you both home.

On April 23rd, 18 days after your birth, we took all of the tubes and monitors off and left St. Joe hospital. I have to say that it was hard leaving the nurses that we had grown to love and the security that we became accustomed to depend on. It was scary! I knew that I had to monitor if you were breathing, listen to Owen's heart every few hours and adjust to everything else that goes along with newborns.

And so we brought you to our home. We had Sissy and Grammy to help us. We spent the next while getting to know you both, feeding you and mostly watching you sleep. The hospital had you on a great 3 hours schedule (a huge blessing) so everything we like clockwork. A nurse came to the house once a week just to monitor you. This was very refreshing for me. I knew that I was blessed with great babies!

I was able to breast feed you for two months with some supplementing. We gave Owen his medicine religiously every 4 hours. We got used to being a family of five!

After the first month of your lives, the time has sped so fast. You have learned to smile, laugh, eat real food, crawl say mama and dada and even walk. It is hard to look at where we were just one year ago. Owen, you went off you heart medication in November and we can only pray that your heart has healed and your problems will not return. You both amaze us every day with your different demeanors. Kyle, you are funny and able to get into anything you are determined for. Owen, you are a snuggler with a temper. Right now you both tolerate each other and that is it. You don't play, you just fight over toys. It is a riot to watch!

I have realized many things over the past year. First of all, I believe that God gave me twins in my life so that I could learn the importance of life and an appreciation for being a mother and wife. I now wake every morning knowing that I am the richest person in this world! I don't have a lot of money but I have three children and a husband who gives me everything I need in life. Your simple smile or the feeling of your cheek on mine is heavenly. I have so much fun watching you grow and develop and learn how to be kids. You both have both opened my eyes to the simple blessings in life daily. I try to enjoy each day that I have with you because I see how fast it goes.

I know this is long and that I have babbled, but one day I want you to know about your amazing first year of life and how you fought as preemies to become healthy babies. My greatest wish is to continue to have the strength, guidance and will to be the best mom to the both of you that I can possibly be and to enjoy every bit of it. I know I will make mistakes and I don't and will never know what is always right, but I will continue to do my best and love you everyday!

All my love,

Mom