Six years ago

Six years ago today I lost the most generous individual I have ever known, the person who taught me about courage, the first man I ever loved, one of the two people who gave me life, and the person that I called Daddy. Yes, six years ago, my dad, who had suffered from cancer for 15 months, was relieved of his pain and struggles and moved on to a better place.

I think there are many things in life that you do not appreciate or recognize as being as important as they are until you are without them. Not to say that I didn't appreciate or realize how important my father was to me when he was alive, but I feel that in the six years that he has been gone that it has really come to surface what an amazing person he was. I did not realize the impact that he made on so many lives. I did not realize the impact he made my life.

My daughter was only 3 months old when dad died. Now that I have been a parent for a while I realize more now how he lived his life. He thought, as many parents do, that his wife and children were everything. He would have and did give anything and everything to make us happy. What he may have never known is that the important things that he gave us will be with as we grow older, make new friends, have children and survive marriage. He taught me that giving is easy. He taught me that making a difference in others' live is easy to do. He taught me that friendships are important and worth taking time for. He taught me that marriage is not always easy and showed me how a woman should really be treated. He taught me that parenting can be a challenging but is the most precious gift ever.

My dad wrote so many letters. He wrote letters to people who were going through tough times, or people who just conquered something great, but most of all because he knew it would make someone's day. My favorite letter that he ever wrote was to my husband when Janie was born. I can't quote exactly but part of it went something like this - "There is something special about having a daughter. One day when Janie has gone off to college and the phone rings, Ali will yell to you and say "honey, the phone is for you, it's Janie" and there will never be a better feeling"

Now I just miss my dad. I wish I could see him hold my mom's hand. I wish I could feel like he would do anything in the world for me again. I wish he could meet my kids today. I wish I could get his approval that I am a good parent. I wish he was here...